So much food!

The food in the hotel i think is the biggest plus. Every morning for breakfast we are given a large fruit bowl as shown below, a large platter of pastries including croissants, pancakes, cakes and biscuits (Shell has discovered a new favourite spread - Nutella which she spreads in large amounts on the pancakes), spanish omlettes with bacon, fresh coffee and finally freshly squeezed passion fruit juice.



This can be served in the resturant, in the bed or on the balcony all at no extra cost! They also allow us to have breakfast when we feel like it so regularly choose about midday We usually manage to make this last the entire day but on a couple of occassions have had to top up with some chips by the pool!

Waiting for the board with dinner to go up is one of the highlights and some of the menus are shown below.







Four of the most amazing courses are served with fresh breadsticks and buns. I have not managed to finish every course yet. There is still two days to go though. When the menus say crab sauce of lobster sauce infact you actually get either half a whole lobster or half a crab!




The quality of the food is stunning and would be placed perfectly in the best resturants in the UK and the freshness can be testified by the below fish caught off the beach outside the hotel! (This grouper we actually ate raw with lime and mango sauce. This was one of the nicest starters of the week.)



Again the people here are so helpful and accommodating that last night when Shell was getting a bit fed up of fish they changed the menu especially for her. She had Carbonara followed by chicken and chips finished of with ice-cream. Heathen comes to mind.

EDIT - Tonights has just been announced. Aubergine and Crab, Pumpkin Ravioli, Fish curry, Fruit crepes. This sounds different! I reckon i'll finish this....

Almost worth the flight - ZANZIBAR!

We arrived into our hotel 'The Next Paradise' at about 5pm after just the one car breaking down on the way. The hotel is stunning and would hold about forty people in peak season but at this time there is only three other guests. The staff number about twenty and took us immedeatly to one of their best rooms for the price of the cheapest. On the walk through the hotel you could see how much time and money has been spent on decor - there are carved things everywhere.
The room is white with dark wood furniture and flooring. The balcony/veranda opens up onto the beach and i can get into the water within twenty steps (during high tide) and it has a telly showing english premiership matches.




Perfect. You can walk out of the room down an outside corridor bordered by big wooden people to the infinity pool which is over looked by the resturant / bar. All of which is outside and covered by grass roofs (with the exception of the pool).




The price of the room included breakfast and dinner but feel these are sufficient to write  about in another post and lunch would not be required.



The manager Stuart an Italian is really helpful and rang up dive companies on our behalf to see who was open. Not many are due to it being the rainy season. If anyone reads this worrying about coming in the rainy season - don't. It is basically a couple of showers per day and comes as a major relief. Infact we now look out for places to go during their rainy season as the rooms are 1/4 of the price and its not too hot (its still around 35c however).
As of yet i have ventured into the sea only once as the tide goes so far out its a 30min walk (some photos show the tide in but this is at 8am or 5pm so no chance then) and i think as a whole due to the way people still live on Zanzibar it is over fished. I am basising this on the fact that i have not yet seen a fish but have seen hundreds of small fishing boats. Although i love snorkling and diving i am not that bothered as i am in relax mode and can't really be arsed to get up at 7am. I still may try and make it out to the sea...



I ain't getting on no plane.

When we arrived back at the hotel we were expecting a flight booked. I am still not sure how Shell had managed to persuade me to do this. As you read in a previous post, I hate flying nevermind flying on a budget internal kenyan flight.
We found out that the flight would take about 90mins but would require a stop in Mombasa. You read that right a ninety minute flight with a stopover! Not what i needed to hear as now i had infact two flights to worry about. The company we were with were Fly540 who despite excellent reviews from other passengers had managed to crash once in the five years they had been operating. Great.
We arrived at the airport and sort of checked in. I say checked in when really 'chucked in'; would have been more appropriate as we just sort of left our bags in a pile. I thought that even if we did make it alive (a big if) then our bags definately would not. I then sat around shaking and crying in the non existant departures hall.
We eventally got called through to our flight and had to walk 1/2 a mile to a really small propeller plane, by this point i was completly resigned to death. The steps into the plane folded out and could only support one at a time. Inside were thirty leather seats, worn out carpets and complete chaos as the stewardess could not work out why there was one too many people. I think seeing this chaos also scared shell abit - you always like the airlines to at least appear professional and said we could get of and get the two day bus if i wanted. Normally i think if i did this i would never live it down but in this scenario i think even she would have been quite relieved. None the less i was interested now in what happened after life so we stayed on. The plane closed the engines spluttered into gear and we set off.



The flight was fine. Really smooth and quite interesting as we passed Kilimanjayro. Shell relaxed and read her book and i just set there head in hands praying. Then we landed and reapeated the whole exercise before landing in Zanzibar on time. I actually cried once we landed.
Customs in Zanzibar was a bit of a nightmare as it would cost $100 dollars for our visas. I had $23 and they wouldn't accept cards. They allowed me through the terminal to a money changers, i could have ran off at any point but i didn't and we paid to enter the mystical island of Zanzibar....

Do Warthogs have a front end?

We set off to the Masai Mara reserve after watching the kids rub anti bacteria lotion into their hair. The drive was about two hours and on the way we saw various Antelopes, Zebras etc. The most abundant appeared to be the Thompsons Gazelle.

We got to the new campsite 'Achai Camp' at about 1pm and were met with some much more luxurious but none the less very basic looking tents. These were perfect as you could stand up inside and had actual beds! But still no electricity. We now had a toilet block about 50m from the tents - just far enough for me to be to scared to go once it got dark as we were told there were plenty of lions and hyenas around and give the night before no one mentioned the possibility of lions i felt that this meant they were a dead cert. We managed to have a quick nap before heading off on our first game drive at 330pm.

The drive was in the same car as we had travelled in but with the roof flipped off to give us a better view!



 We entered the reserve (apparently a reserve means the animals are free to come and go and a park means they are fenced in) through a Jurassic Park style gate where our permits were checked and found ourselves in a massive savannah full of Antelope, Zebra, Wilderbeast, Buffalo and Giraffe.



A quick drive around took us to within a few metres of any of the animals. Driving further into the reserve we saw herds of Elephants a bit to tough to get close to and eventually after about an hour our first pride of lions fast asleep with cubs underneath a tree. We carried on into the park and came across Ostrich and other types of Antelope such as Elan - the biggest antelope.



I think the highlight of the drive was on the way home we drove through a herd of hundreds of Buffalo - a little daunting!



When we got back to the camp it was too dark for us to brave a shower but still managed to have some dinner and a beer under the stars around a campfire. The park did have a dodgy old generator and we persuaded them to fire it up so we could charge our cameras in the office. We were told that we should be able to hear Hyenas from our tent but i think i was so tired that if they were there I just slept through them.

We woke at 7am for our main game drive. We saw mostly the same animals as the day before but with some new stuff. The pride of lions was much more active and there was probably about two dozen of them moving around a rocky area.



We ventured past the savannah into a more grassy area where we found three cheetahs resting underneath a tree - i think these were my favourite animal, they look so elegant.



We carried on search for Leopards in the trees and came across another herd of elephants bathing in some mud pools. We managed to get within a few meters of them this time and by my count was around 40 of them including calves.



We then moved on - starting to see Warthogs arses in abundance as they constantly ran into the distance. After about midday we moved into the border with the Serengheti (its the same park just Kenyan / Tanzanian names) to see the river where the Wilderbeast migration will take place in a few weeks. I would love to see this migration but i am really glad we saw the park first in the off season. Apparently during the migration any pride of lions etc will have upwards of a hundred trucks jostling for position - we had none. The river itself was relatively dry but still contained an abundance of crocodiles and hippos ehich are much larger than i imagined for some reason, some seemed maybe 2/3rds of an elephant in size.



We stopped for a picnic about 1/2mile from the river and watched the dung beetles roll and bury balls of elephant shit while all the time keeping our eyes out for lions.



The area around the river was literally teeming with animal and was probably the richest area we saw. Elephants and Giraffes made their way down to the river whilst Warthogs bounded around the place. Still showing no apparent end other than arse.



On our way back we saw perhaps the best sight, a small pride of Lions (perhaps eight in total) with a fresh buffalo carcass.



We stayed and watch whilst they literally couldn't move they were so full and just lay there struggling to breath. The two male Lions every so often went for a walk around the van which was a bit worrying but it seemed to not concern them. We were then only van visable for miles which reaffirmed my view that this was the best time to visit if you want to see the animals at their most natural.

I think they highlight of the day though was the number of insects which landed on Shell causing the biggest screams in the park! They ranged from ten inch stick insects to six inch grasshoppers. The reation was the same irrespective. Suffice to say nothing landed on anyone else during the entire time. I think they could smell the fear.

We arrived back in plenty of time for our first shower before a traditional Masai dinner of steak stew and mash cooked by our new friends Joseph and Tito who had been with us the entire trip and would drive us back to our new hotel in Nairobi the following day....

Told you it was a F**king Lion!

We booked a four day three night safari leaving at 8am. The first night was supposed to be 'Cultural' and was at Shells request. The next two were on safari at my request. In theory these are so wildly different i think i should split them up into separate posts....

We set off promptly at 9am and immedeatly hit the Kenyan traffic. After about an hour we made it out of Nairobi and into the countryside only to stop for undesputibly stunning views of the Rift Valley and a hard sell. We set on our way with some stunning photos and two Masai heads.




We made it about 4 hours later to the last village known as Narok to stock up on supplies which in our case accounted for eight bottles of water and 2 bars of rum and raisen dairy milk. The bare necessities according to Shell!

We arrived at camp at about 1430 with 8 bottles of water and two melted chocolate bars. When they descirbed it as basic i thought they meant basic amenities Not no amenities! It was just scrub, really hard to describe it as much else it just went on and on. They said there was a river running through it but even that was dried up.

We started to set up camp - I say 'we' in the loosest sense as it was more our guide Justice and our cook Joseph who put everything together and made the baren bit of waste land our home for the next 24hrs while we stood around a little adrift.



Our slightest grasp of civilization (the jeep) left proptly along with the driver Teto who promised to be back later for tea. Whether this was said not to startle us is unsure but we did not see him again until the following morning along with Shell warmest jumper which was in the back of the jeep. In hein sight me thinks he knew what that evenings sleep would entail and therefore decided to return to the nearest town (or should i say shacks with a bed).

After Shell had had a lie down and i had chased some gazelle we were met be a few of the Masai elders including the chief (Josephs dad). I think they were actually checking we were still alive.



 Anyway, after some pointing and laughing (by them) Justice took us up to meet the family. On the way he told us about the different plants and their medicinal uses which was very interesting but not as interesting as the reponses i had to which animals could eat which.



The village was very basic and consisted of two circles, an inner and an outer, the inner held the animals and the outer held the people they seemed to regard the animals as more important than humans. This seemed to lead to a serious fly problem. This aside they met us in full garments and danced for us and then with us.



After this Justice took us on a walk to see the cattle being herded by a group of children no older than five! This kids i am sure are more survivalist than us and have to deal daily with real issues like lions and lazy goats. Justice then showed us his parents house which obviously had no electricity and was literally a dark room with shit for walls, it was incredible that they could live like this. They do genuinely seem happy though.



We walked back to the campsite just as it was starting to get dark for everyone to tell stories and for me to quiver like a girl waiting to be eaten. The six warriors there for my protection didnt seem to allay my fears particulalry as they only had sticks and a solitary bow and arrow.

Joesph served a wonderful dinner of lamb and mash whilst they ate sheeps blood and we retreated to our rooms/tents at about 9pm.





To keep ourt western roots alive i watched some Alan Partridge and Shell watched some Sex in the City. I woke at about 2am to what thought was a roar. I managed to convince myself that this was just my mind playing tricks and after about an hour of cowering in the corner I fell asleep.  At 4am i ws awoken by some snoring - being rugged was not going well - and eventually fell asleep still convinced about lions being close as i thought i could hear growling.

I woke to the news that their had been a male lion about 20m from the tents. Justifiying my fear the previous night. The snoring which i had heard was a group of zebra by the tent! We could tell this by the fresh poo! Overall i was pretty glad i had decided not to go for a pee.

Our breakfast was unexpectedly a full english which we enjoyed by the fire before heading back up to the village to say our goodbyes. In the village we noticed kids copying us putting anti bacteria stuff on our hands so we gave them some to play with which they immedeatly put on their heads?!?!






Testicles aren't too bad

So we went to a famous resturant 'Carnivore' last night as we had heard great things about the number of different meats you could try. The evening looked promising as by the entrance we were met by a massive array of fine bbq'ed delights




We started of lightly with some minestrone soup but soon got onto the good stuff we ate the following regular stuff: Pork, Beef, Chicken, Turkey and Goat but then got some wierd stuff such as Ostrich and Crocodile. Upto this point  all was good except the Croc which was a bit fishy. Then things took a turn for the worst with Ox heart, Buffalo liver then the Ox's testicles! I want to say they were gross but they weren't. The main bulbous part was quite nice but the epidermal part was rank and made me gag. All in all testicles aren't too bad. Although juding by Shells face maybe not!



Special credit here is due to the guy whos name i cant remember who came with us. He had come on the earlier walk around the slums during which his mate had arranged for the four of us to go to this restaurant. His friend never showed! Leaving me, shell + 1 on this lovely romantic meal out.

To summarise, Carnivore is well worth a visit if you are in town. But we ate more than we could and eventually surrenderED the flag. We would definatly  recommend a taxi as it is mile out.

Tomorrow we head off on safari...

DISCLAIMER: DUE TO PANIC ABOUT ME TAKING SHELL TO SLUM I FEEL IT NECESSARY TO POINT OUT THAT SHELL DRAGGED ME. I WOULD HAVE RATHER CUDDLED A BABY ELEPHANT IN THE SANCTUARY!!!



How are you? How are you?

We landed yesterday absolutely shattered after 16 or so hours of travelling really took their toll. A day of work was quickly followed by a dash down to Gatwick to get our conneting flight to Dubai.

I am not a great flyer but the plane was amazing. For the first time ever i smiled 30secs into take off. Its hard to describe being scared of flying. Most people would call it idiotic particularly given i drive 5hrs a day but i am always refer back to a famous saying i once heard in a film 'Courage is not having no fear but being able to overcome it' i think the film was Sweet Home Alabama starring Reese Witherspoon. None the less it stands. Anyway the flight was good, the plane had plugs, Shell could watch the films and i could watch the flights stats with no issues. Infact it was so good it was empty and we managed to get a bank of four between us (One for me and three for Shell - of course!) this was followed by a greatly improved but much colder four hour wait in Dubai airport (why when it is 40degrees outside do they have to have aircon and -40 inside?!) Then we jumped on the last flight to Nairobi in a not quite so good and a bit bumpier plane.

So anywho we landed at the state airport a little anxious of the city dubbed Nai - robbery. We were so wrong though. This city is beautiful, its more of a town really and a green one at that. We arrived at the tents i had booked to much sceptasism from Shell and i dont think i have ever had so much praise. They are big, cool, have ensuites and in a garden which could only be compared to Wyvale! Outside are loads of big big birds and toucans! We enjoyed the buffet dinner and then I fell asleep head in hands trying to watch Battlestar Galatica (i can still be a geek even in Africa)



Today we visited the Kibera slums a place were 25% of Nairobians live (1.5m) within 2 sq kms, i guess not the safest day out but a really interesting one. We met our guide in the camp site, a guy called Rick who was 25 but looked 15 and headed of on our way. I was a little dubious of visiting an African slum given the press they have had in the last year or so but Shell was keen. She was right, althought the conditions were horrendous the people were so friendly and always smiling. The guide took us to his house which was tiny and recently scarred him due to it burning down!



My intrepidation was not without cause though as some areas we were told to hide our cameras because of the guns but our guide told us where and when to be careful. We later found out he pays these gangs daily to protect himself and us. His tip was therefore well deserved. It may be worth pointing out at this point that the trip was free and just to raise awareness.


We met a group called the Ghetto Action Focus Foundation who were setup 5 years ago to move people out of crime being ex gang members themselves they were really inspiring with the work they do in the area and mostly through sport. I am going to use this as a reminder to keep in contact with them.

Every year the slum has a football tournament but they cannot afford it this year due to costs. I think us Temples should sort this out! But we will talk about this later....


Suffice to say they were really nice and never once mentioned money or donations but just asked us to spread their message. So that is what i am doing.

The title of this post is testament to what i think is the only phrase know by the young kids in the slum. It is all they say. If you answer they dont know enough english to reply!!

I better go now as off to a famous returant called carnivore and then off on safari tomorrow.

I will let you know how it goes.....